The trouble with female friends
Women's friendships can seem so complicated.
It’s like looking out at the ocean and seeing clear water and rolling waves, but the swimmer out there, while appearing safe, is being moved by undercurrents.
Females are all about undercurrents...
‘what did they mean?’,
‘there is something about her vibe’,
or ‘nope, I don’t know what it is about them, but that isn’t for me.’
It’s those tip of the tongue, can’t put your finger on it kind of things. All the analysis and psychological evaluation in the world will never trump your instincts when it comes to people.
It’s those little undercurrents that drive women nuts within a friendship. When there is a shift in someone’s attitude and you can sense it. Not knowing what to do ( confront/carry on) can make or break that relationship.
Most friendships can’t go that long without resolve. Aka, reconciliation doesn’t work without proper resolve.
When things are resolved well, and when those ‘undercurrents’ are red flagged and bought to the surface, where you see it as a rip that needs acknowledgment, the world is your oyster.
Resolve leads to reconciliation, not the other way around. It can be so hard to say that first word of confrontation. Maybe that is because women tend to be more emotionally aware, or maybe it is society's permissive conditioning. They say public speaking is the number one social fear...they don't tell you that confrontation is WOMEN'S number one fear. It is the word that has such a negative stigma. Perhaps we recall images of an aggressive girl fight in high school (where we were just silly kids), or maybe we imagine scenes from an American movie with estranged best friends in volatile beefs. The thing to remember is these are the extreme representations of confrontation, when the gift of subtle awareness at early stages of disconnect was ignored, and instead bad blood festered and memories and words became weaponized.
The reality is all relationships worth making last, are going to come across hard times. If you are someone with siblings you will most likely be unable to recall hundreds of confrontations you had with your family. Oddly enough, you have probably forgotten like most of us, that you have been through multiple confrontational scenarios without even noticing it. That's right... family life Mr Miyagi'd you. That confrontation over something minuscule - like a sister who stole your CD- was probably honest, swift, frustrating and then over. "But it's different with family," you say? It is, and that is becuase after we have a confrontation, it doesn't fester too long, because we see each other frequently in a family unit. After we confront something, staying close is key. Affirm the positive things in the relationship. Deal with those subtle shifts and undercurrents straight away. No sibling ever waited till next week to bring up that bratty behavior. Think of each other as you would family; sisters forgive and they KNOW something will always happen again. You have got this more than you think you do.
In this ocean of friendships, Women are the lucky ones.
They desire resolution; they jump in the water no matter what the tide, because they NEED to be in there. Girls don’t mind going out past the breaking waves to where it is deep. It’s out there where we find our sisters, and you know it.
Those good girls are not in the shallows.
Love your #sisterfriends
Watch this space for more on friendship.